6 days for Ramadan :)

Welcome Ramadan :)

WHY

I don't know how one can kill a baby. We humans are weak. As children we just smile for everyone, but we never know what life hides for us.

Why some of us turn evil like this ! We tend to stab, kill each others. Unbelievable !

Crystal Hall-Hummel...May your soul rest in peace.

Why

Why I feel you look sad in your photo? Please be happy for me at least. I am o.k, promise.

Log in

It is killing. I am so bored without you. I miss you so much.

I'm sorry

I'm sorry, if you don't like the things I say or do.

I'm sorry, if I keep on bothering you.

I'm sorry, if I do many trouble for you.

I'm sorry, if I keep on repeating the same mistakes

I'm sorry, for contacting you.

I'm sorry, hope you can forgive me.

I Love You Most

You heard me last time I whispered to you here . As much as it pleased me you did, it tormented me to find you unhappy. For this, I will do anything to make you happy. You are my universe.

Months ago, if I was granted a wish, it would have been to be your only love, and yours only. Today, if I was granted the same wish, it would have been to you be happy with her forever.

You mean so much for me honey. You're the brother, the friend, and the lover. It is not easy for me to see you suffer because of me. It was not easy and it will never be. You have always told me: to love is to love the best for the other. For this, I wish you the best: to live happily with her.

Last night, when I put my head on my pillow to sleep, I felt my chest like burning. It was inflamed with passion for you. I felt the urge to call you and ask you to tell me it is just a nightmare. But, it is not. It should be a sweet dream. I should turn it to be so.

It came then to my mind "Tangled". Yeah, Tangled ! For long I persists you to watch it. It was for a solo childish goal :). In the movie, Rapunzel 's Mother Gothel says to Rapunzel "I love you", and Rapunzel replies saying "I love you more" to which her mother replies again "I love you most" . This is the only thing catches my attention in the movie !. For long, I waited you to watch it to say this sweet reply to me :). I always say I love you more when you tell me you love me, I wished then to hear "I love you most "from you .

Are you happy? Did you finally get in touch with her? or you still naughty stubborn as always :)?

I have been thinking of you honey lately , as if you even were not there all the time !. Seeing your updates, photos is really killing. I think it is a bliss for you, you never saw me or have anything from me. I do not mean that by having seen you, I suffer. No. On the contrary, I will suffer more. It is just this will make healing slower slower.

Hey~ Did my sister graduate? My best wishes for her. Did you check her profile out :). Was that my R's little hand N'sha'Allah? She will be like my own daughter, not just niece.

How is everything going with you? I missing you so much. Where have you been lately :). I wish you all the best.

~ Sealed with absolute love~

I need you

I need you.

A lump in my throat with every sunrise my hotmail announcing there is no email from you. It has been days since last we communicate. It has been months since last I reminded you of my desire. It has been two years since I asked you "I want to get few lines from you telling me about our relation". Days, months and years passed and I did not get one. And I do not think I will ever get one.

I have started to work on a project of mine to collect all lines you wrote scatteredly in emails and sms and compose myself email you supposedly would write for me one day. It will never be the same, but it might help rise my spirit abit; which has been lately down.

It is hard.

Do you still remember me? do you still love me? Can you hear me ? I wish to know. I talk to you most of the time, but I don't feel I get a response from you. Does it mean you want me to go? I did my best to suppress the urge to call you crying; to tell you it is not fair and I need you in my life. I love you. I will always do.

I just need you

Can you hear me..

It has been long time..I do not even know why I am writing here. I wish he can hear me I wish he can talk back to me.

I go there again to where we first met, I do not know why. I just look at the list trying to conjure things up again. I feel I will be able to see him again, once more.

I want to talk to him again; to tell him how much I miss him; how much I need to talk to him. I know he cannot. He has been reluctant with me recently which aches my heart so much. I long to hear about what he thinks of things he knows quiet well I long to know about.

Today I knew he passed his driving exam, I wished I can listen to him telling me about this. I wish to tell him that he did not ask about my results. Not that I care about my academic result, I just care about his questions. I passed, anyway. Not outstanding, because I did not expect that since I did not read a line for the exam. Still, I do not care ..

I have been reading novels as always :) , having lessons to revise Quran. Umm nothing special really. It is boring honestly.

I wish you can read those lines ..I wish to hear from you too. I wish to know you're doing great and your study is a smooth sailing.

Best wishes.. sealed with absolute love and care

I'm convinced that happiness is not for me

I am not sure from where to start or what to say

I created this blog for him, I was so excited after meeting him that I decided to do anything will please him. In the beginning it was a way through which I can tell him of my sorrow and suffer when communication was a bit difficult between us. We were new to each other, and I was not even used to the whole experience to open to someone. All what I posted there was my pain for being alone.

But with time, I was not in need for such expression, with him I learned to let go. I learned to forget about past and to look for the bright future. I was really reborn.

I was a new person. Rather, the real me was recreated. He unlocked my heart and released the love of life which lives there. He wept the tear from eyes and taught me to see the morning shines. He drew the smile in my face and colored my face with brightness.

I could not recognize myself in the mirror...simply, I let go of past.

He was everything in my day...my day revolved around him only. I cannot sleep cause I look for day to meet him, in day I cannot turn around cause I do not want him to go from sight. Day by day, my day didn’t just revolve around him, but my day became HIM.

I woke up eventually and i did not find my heart and mind..they were as I expected them to be..with him. I thought it was an illusion, a dream or a mere attempt to run away back to my past. But It was not. With him I felt myself, I didn't need to pretend or fear. I tell him of what I feel freely, I was undoubtedly safe...my posts then were all for him..to send him shy message of my love.

I was not happier than the day he told me he loves me back ..in that moment I did not need any means to tell him of what I feel...I felt comfortable to text just to tell him that I love him..or just to send him a smile to let him know I think of him in this moment.

Lately things changed, I tried and still try to convince myself that he does this to make me hate him to make his leave easier. But sometimes I think he really does not want to go further anymore. I don’t have the courage to stop it myself although I feel pain. I feel communication lost between us. I am ready to do anything for him though I know we are not for each other. But I cannot let go of him, and he does not let go of my past.

He taught me to let go of my past, but he is unable to do himself. This assures me that life is a lie. He told me that everyone forgets past, while he does not forget mine and bring it all time. He promised to meet later and he changed his mind. I am completely lost. I never regret my love to him, nor my past because he makes me believes that it is not shameful. At the same time, I wish I can do something to prove for him that he is everything for me.

I am scared cause I don’t know what to do and I am scared of his anger. I wish to hide from everyone till everyone forgets about my past and then I can come to them new. Or I wish to wake up and this will be dream or maybe just April Foll. I always sit in my room and wait like I am in a comic show and that they will tell me that they are just kidding.

I got afraid each time I need to tell him anything, because i feel obliged to tell him everything. I do everything he asks me to do, but I don’t know sometimes it is not enough.

I don’t know if this is because it is hard for him too, or if he wants to leave, or if it is like all guys he just says and forgets about it. I wish it is the last because it is easier. I am just completely lost. I love him more than I ever did. But this is not enough. He cannot believe it although everything echos my love for him.

He is my world. I changed everything in my room the way I think he will love it. I dress the way he love. I pick items as he loves. Even food I eat the same food he loves. I never dine with one glass, one plate, but with two to imagine he is here.

I write in my dairy a section for him too. I know I am a big burden ..not just big but huge huge one, but still I cannot let go of him, till he tells me to do. I wish he does without hurting me or me hurting him.

I don’t know why I write this too. I am not blaming him. But it is fear. I am losing everyone lately and I cannot find out the reason. I wish I can make up my mistakes, but I am coward. I can bear pain from other, but from him its double cause he is the one I love. He is the one wipes my tears without him I will drown in my pain and sorrow

I wish i can ask him why hobi....I wish to tell him that I am afraid..I am afraid he tells me he stopped loving me back or worse that he hates me

Honey, I love you with all my essence..always and forever