Oh Yeah :)

I'm now happy happy happy :)

Finally, I received my birthday's best gift :)

Thanks Future.org <3

So today is my birthday :)

Today 9th of December, I turned 26 :)

And since I didn't get any wish but from one of my friends, I will wish myself a happy life forever :)

Is it possible?

When we departed ...

Athazagoraphobia...

I believe this is the worst feeling someone could go through: trying to please others in order to talk to them casually, but somehow they don't want to be near you. Many would say it is their problem and they are the losers to choose to ignore you and bla bla bla. But, whether this is the truth or not, it still hurts deeply. You would not stop thinking what is wrong with you that everyone ignores you. All what will go in your mind is that it is impossible that they all are wrong and you are right ! The problem must reside within yourself. But When you try to search, you could not find anything !! You will just keep asking yourself what can I do more for them?

Sometimes all what you ask is to be special to someone, your parents, friend, or even sister. But when you end up "just someone" in everybody's life, at one point you would give up living. Eventually, you will lose the battle. It is scary to be alone when people ignore you and many forget even that you exist. You will be the prisoner of Athazagoraphobia.

This is really what I feel most time. I feel invisible when I am around others. I do my best to please them, but most time unsuccessfully. I know that I act stupid most time, but I never mean to harm anyone at all. I just want someone to talk to me. I always apologize to them even if I know I did nothing wrong, but I will do anything if this means they will stay with me. It is not easy to do this, it hurts me so much to humiliate myself to keep someone next to me. But I always tell myself that this is life and nothing is easy. Someone at the end has to give up, and it is always me. Writing my dairy turns into obsession because of my continuous fear. Sometimes I feel that I will wake up one day and that no one would remember me anymore. So my dairy would keep me from being insane, it will remind me that I truly exist and know them at least at one point.

I don't want to be forgotten or ignored.