Confession, baby-1

The directors always focus the camera on moments when the heroine in the romantic movie looks at couples in the park; and I had always thought that is ridiculous because in real life we don't see couples like everywhere around us ! But, yesterday I realized I was mistaken. It was not about seeing couples around me. I have been surrounded by many all my life. It is only about "what one misses most". If you miss something so much, you will feel like everyone has it except you. But deep down you will know that it is there all the time,you only notice it this much because you miss it in you life.


Yesterday, I was outside and I felt suffocated by seeing how that everyone holds a baby's hand or carries one. I felt I was the only one who has not . I was conscious about their presence around me which kept me alert and uncomfortable. This is what I miss most in my life. I dream for a day I get the chance to carry my own baby between my arms, smell it, touch its forehead and hair. Nothing in the world is comparable to such a moment.


When I came in a kid's store, I feel everyone looks at me. I feel they will tell me that I don't belong there and will never be. It is a real pain no one can understand but who lives it. I cannot talk about it to any soul. My tears betray me before I utter a word. Writing about it much easier, though.


Everyone of us has its own experience. H/She notices something other don't notice or don't appreciate. Yesterday, nothing wipe the tempting tear from my eye and draw the smile in my face but my friend's words when she said: "Wow, look how much shopping bags all those girls have!!" At that moment, I realized she was looking at the bags I was holding too while I was looking at the little hand she was holding....Everyone looks only at what she misses most.